On the right of the page in blue is a list of categories - each one contains many poems or stories. Please feel free to take the verses for your own personal use but remember that they are copyrighted so cannot be used for commercial purposes. Thank you.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

A special poem for a very dear friend, 7.3.16.


Be true to yourself, for your own highest good
Say what you believe, not what you think that you should
Too often we say what the other wants to hear
but it leads to confusion if we are not clear

We think that the other must know how we feel
but how can they know truth if our words just conceal
our deepest emotions, that we really should share
So we must give to ourselves the first loving care

No-one wants to hurt others or cause any pain
But if you’re still being hurt again and again
It’s time to be lovingly honest and true

And being true to yourself is the best thing to do


Monday, March 7, 2016

                       March 2016     I wrote this one for friends who live in Spain .......


You are on holiday but remember I am not
And living here eats up most of the pension I have got
I’m really glad to share it and happy that you are here
But please don’t take advantage of the friendship I hold dear
I’m sure you’d never mean to, and yes, you are my guest
But think of all the extra work and offer me a rest
Just take me for a cuppa or even for a meal
Or buy a few provisions, then how happy I would feel
Then we will truly share a lovely time, both you and I
And I’ll look forward to the next time, when we say goodbye


Just added this one today 7th March

It really is so simple, it’s too easy to be true
I have it, I don’t need it, so why not give it to you?
You don’t have it but you need it, the answer’s clear to see
I’ll show I care and I will share, a gift to you from me
It doesn’t matter what ‘it’ is, in giving I believe

I’ll know the joy that it is better to give than to receive


Sunday, October 25, 2015

NEW CONTACT INFO     Hi, if you wish to contact me, please use     thanks xx

Friday, October 9, 2015

1949 - 2015

A big kind man with a great sense of fun
Respected by all and second to none
Everyone loved him and though we're apart
Memories of Brian will live in our heart


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

FOR MY MUM 1925-1993


Back in 1992 my brother Jim invited all the family to his house at Christmas.  There was me, Pauline, Lucy and of course, Mum.  It was the first time in 30 years that we were all together and my husband Tony took this photo – the only one we have of all of us together.   Little did we know what the future held – but God knew what we would need, long before we needed it!


The following mid October Mum started having severe head pains.  We and the doctor thought at first it might be a trapped nerve.

At the time I poured my heart out into the computer  ......... I found it helped to put everything there.  Every day I kept notes, then put them away.   I haven’t looked at these notes in twenty years so reading them now is bad – and good!

As I have been typing this I have found things I had forgotten – and they touch me so much………………

Weds 27 Oct   Went to see Mum – home help said she had rung doctor as mum was worse.  Wonder if headaches caused by pressure on nerve? Mum remembers getting up from bed   then half falling, half sitting down again quite heavily. Could she have crunched a disc, trapped a nerve? She was on prednisolone steroids for 27 years and often talks about them “calcifying my bones”.  I remember once, all she did was lean over the easy chair arm to pick up a magazine and she cracked a rib!

GP came 11 ish.  He tested reflexes and limb strengths.  There´s a slight weakness in left arm and leg.  Now I wonder if she´s had a small stroke.  Her speech is fine though and certainly nothing wrong with her wits!  The trouble is, every move of her head or neck is painful, a jerk agony, and a cough excruciating.  She sits there “holding the top of her head on”.  My heart cries for her.  The GP decides to have her admitted to hospital.  My sister Lucy has arrived and we wait until the ambulance takes mum away.

Fri 29 Oct.  Visited mum, ward 6 General Hospital, Halifax.  Still in pain and can’t move head much at all.  Dr. told her it may be damage to neck or a small stroke.  Nurses are wonderful.  The first one I talk to is Ali (staff nurse?) – she is so kind and caring.

Tue 2 Nov.  Visited mum.  Having scan Thursday.  Feeling bit better. Less pain.  Whenever Ali gives mum a painkiller, she gives her a hug too.  I feel good knowing mum is surrounded by such love.

Fri 5 Nov. On holiday in Arnside!  We´d already arranged a couple of days away. Mum seemed better and we´re only 2 hours away.  Mid evening I ring the ward and they ask me to ring my sister Lucy.  My heart jerks.  I make the call.  Lucy is crying, sobbing “I don´t want mum to die, I don´t want to lose her”.  Through the tears she tells me they have found two shadows on the brain scan.  I try to comfort her with talk of minor haemorrhages, mini strokes, but I soon end in tears too.  I put on a brave face and rejoin the bonfire party.  I spend most of my time alone, lighting the fireworks.  My mind is spinning faster than the catherine wheels.  Must keep busy.  Don´t think.  But when my head hits the pillow at night, realisation hits me and I´m wracked with sobs. I too don’t want to lose my mum. 

Sat 6 Nov.  We come home early, straight to the hospital.  Mum looks much better than I had expected – cheerful and chatty.  She talks about a “little bleed” and also cervical spondylosis.  My fears are allayed.

Sun 7 Nov. Visited mum.  Not so good.  Still go pain and is vomiting.  Unable to take painkilling tablets so I arrange for a nurse to give her injections. Hold her hand for 4 hours. Tell her I love her.

Tues 9 Nov. Went to hospital early to see mum´s doctor.  He says he is not too certain what the shadows are – two of them,  one at back and one at side of brain.  Not conclusive so sending scans to Pinderfields for second opinion.  It isn´t a stroke though - the symptoms are wrong.  My fears return.  He says he is reluctant to put mum through more tests “she is very old for her age”. Strange, I´ve always thought of her as so strong, but then I´ve always known that she´s had illness of one kind of another since her teens.  Dr. Says pain may be due to cervical spondylosis – could have painkilling injections for it but need to await scan clarification.  If shadows were a stroke there would be no actual cure anyway.  If a benign tumour all is ok.  If not, then mum is too frail for surgery.  He says her lungs are in a “terrible state”.  I ask him about telling her – he says she only knows a little – take it step by step and be guided by her.

I go in to see mum ­ tell her I´ve seen Dr Qureshi and give her some hope re painkilling injections.  Mum seems pleased.

 Fri 12 Nov.  Mum went to Pinderfields today.  Lucy came at 3.  I knew immediately there was something wrong – her face said it all.  Mum has cancer in her brain and she may not live to Christmas. 

I’d been bracing myself for something bad all along but the force of this news rocked me. I´m hurt, angry.  I shout, swear and cry, so many tears.  We cry together, trying to comfort each other. Lucy asks me to visit her tonight.  She knows her face will give it all away.

Tony is full of cold and it is pouring with rain, but we set off for Pinderfields in Wakefield.

Before I go in to see mum, I talk to the charge nurse.  He says mum could die in her sleep tonight, or she could last many weeks – and judging from her spirit it would be the latter. He says there are numerous secondary cancers showing on the scan – no doubts, no cures.  I ask all the questions I´ve written down and try to be calm, but choke up again.

I must keep control.  I can´t let mum see or know, until she is ready herself.

I walk into the ward with Tony.  Mum looks great!!  I can’t believe it.  We talk for two hours.  Laughter, memories, gossip.  We even debate whether Prince Charles is fit to be King!!

During our talk she mentions the shadows saying it’s too risky to have biopsies done “they might slip and I’d end up a vegetable – then I´d have to lecture to vegetarians”   Another comment is “you´ve nothing to fear but fear itself”  and “worry solves nothing, think positive”. 

Is she trying to tell me she knows? Or am I reading more into everything she says?  It´s so hard to know. At one point she says “I don’t care what happens from the neck down, as long as my brain still works”.  I want to cry.

It´s her birthday in ten days.  I ask what she wants.  “Get me some slippers” she says.  “They’re never wasted”.    I ask, laughing, “Isn’t there something you´ve always really, really wanted?”   Mum takes my hands in hers and whispers “I don´t expect you to get it me, but I’ve always wanted a diamond solitaire”.   We kiss and leave.  My heart is breaking.

Sat 13th Nov. Got this rotten bug that´s going around. Chest infected, abitbiotics and I can´t visit mum.  Can’t stop crying either.

Tues 16th  Nov.  Met Lucy in town and went shopping to buy ring for mum.  Got a beautiful diamond for her.  Visited mum for 4 ½  hours.  Made up some jasmine and rose aromatherapy oil and massaged her arms and hands.  She’s not as good today –drifted off now and then.  She has a bad cough and it hurts her head so much.  Everyone on the ward seems to have a cough or cold – even the nurses.

As I was leaving – I said “I’ll see you Friday, but I’ll check in case others are coming – don´t want them to wear you out”.  Mum just said “I don’t mind how many – you keep me alive”

Weds 17 Nov. Visited mum, not so good today
Fri 19 Nov. Mum´s been to Bradford for a bone scan today – a long process and she´s fairly tired, but is still able to give me detailed instructions on how to make a rice pudding as good as hers! Wrote it all down faithfully – she makes the best rice ever.

Sun 21 Nov.  Mum’s 68th birthday.  Lucy collected her from the ward this morning and took her home for birthday party.  Special treats by request – drip bread and beef butties!  I take my camera and have it at the ready as mum opens her presents.  I´ve put the ring in its box into a slipper (shoe) box, full of tissue paper.  Mum opens the box, removes the tissue, then picks up the ring box, puzzled.  Lucy says “open it then mum” and she does, and the look on her face is priceless.  She is so happy, and so am I.  She puts the ring on, shows it off to everyone, then starts to put it back in its box.  We tell her gently that she can wear it all the time, even in the bath! 

I take lots of pictures of her with each member of the family, along with her presents and huge balloons and so many flowers it looks like a florist´s shop.  We take her back to the ward in a long procession, family, flowers, balloons and all.  She is so tired, but happy.

Mon 22 Nov. Lucy rang me tonight. She´s so upset. Mum asked her if Dr. Qureshi had told her any more than he had told mum.  Lucy just couldn’t say.  She’s heartbroken – we’re both so worried for mum – how she will take it when she knows.  We agree to meet at the hospital tomorrow at 2.

Tue 23 Nov. Lucy is so upset. I try to comfort her and encourage her to share her grief with her family, but she finds it so hard.  She just wants to be alone with it.  We talk to the charge nurse John who contacts Bradford for the scan results.  We decide that it would be better for mum to hear the news from us rather than the doctor, then she can ask the doctor what she wants to know afterwards.  I will do it.  Ali (nurse) says she will come in with me – we walk into the ward hand in hand.

We sit on the bed, one each side, facing mum.  All the way to the hospital I’d prayed that God would guide me, to say the best thing to the doctor for my mum.  How He helps me to say it directly to my mum instead.  Somehow I manage to tell her without breaking down. 

A few tears escape, but I hold her close and tell her I love her.  I don´t say exactly what the trouble is, simply that they can’t do anything except keep her pain free.  I feel that she is a little afraid of the word ‘cancer’ so avoid it.  She asks me what will happen and I tell her that she will probably just get  more tired and begin to sleep more, and eventually “just go to sleep”.  She asks me “how long” and I say “months rather than years”.  I can’t bring myself to put specific times to it, as they have done.  I tell the truth - they really don’t know, but with her fighting spirit, she´ll probably go far beyond all expectations.

Mum jokes about sticking around for her telegram from the Queen.  Dear God, she is so wonderful!  Please take care of her for us. 

I go and get Lucy.  That´s when the tears really come.  Lucy is so upset, then mum is too, then it sets me off.

Eventually a kind of cried-out peace descends and we are able to talk again. 

When the doctor comes mum is fairly calm. He is so good to her, telling her only what she needs to know and nothing she doesn´t.  He says there is no reason why mum can´t go home as long as she is not left alone. There is the likelihood of her bones breaking at any time. We promise to work something out. I leave the ward with him to say my thanks, and he explains that mum has many secondary bone cancers – probably coming from primary lung cancer.  He is so kind and understanding and says he will always be there for mum when she needs him.

Mum is brilliant! After we talk about her going home she says “don’t forget to contact the DSS  “I’ll be entitled to attendance allowance”   She’s such a canny cookie!

I leave at teatime so that Lucy can have some time alone with mum before the rest of the family arrive.  I feel so exhausted, but relieved that things are in the open now, and we can talk. 

I also feel privileged that fate should allow me to be the one to tell my mum, to help her with that first step towards everlasting life.

Weds 24 Nov. Went to see mum again today. She says “you know when you said about it being months, not years, well what about Christmas?”  I can’t lie to her, yet I can’t bring myself to say the whole truth either.  I tell her “there are no guarantees mum.  They told me at Pinderfields it could be soon or it could be weeks and weeks and weeks –and knowing your spirit it will be that and beyond”  My tears flow freely but quietly.  Mum´s eyes fill and she tells me how she tried to comfort my brother and her favourite grandson last night. She´s so brave.  She still talks about going home, about the MacMillan nurses.  She says “they´re specialists in this kind of care, you know”.   The word “cancer” has still not been said, but I’m sure she knows.   She talks about when she went to Cookridge (which she hasn’t done, but that is the local cancer treatment hospital) so I know it is in her mind, but if it’s easier to pretend it`s something else, then that’s ok with me.  Whatever will make mum  happier. Her chest sounds worse today, a difficult cough and she seems so tired. She says she´s found the way to cheat the verdict – she simply won’t go to sleep, then she can’t “stay asleep”

I feel such pain because of what I’d told her, yet what else could I say.  But mum turns it into a joke, telling us how she can make herself wake up after a couple of hours, then have naps during the day.  I love her so much.  I cry half the way home on the bus: the other half I spend writing a poem for my mum ... and one for Ali ....


You’re not just my mum, you’re my best friend too
And I’ve shared lots of brilliant times with you
We played silly games with balloons with ears
And laughed till our faces were streaked with tears
And when I was older you stayed with me
In Devon and we went to a show in Torquay
So many good times when I’ve been glad
And you’ve been there too when I was sad
I cried in an armchair, calling for you
Many miles separated us – but you still knew
When I was so ill and things looked grim
You stayed by my side and wouldn’t give in
With the greatest love a mother can give
You held my hand and willed me to live
You are my friend, my helper and guide
In good times and bad, you’re there by my side
I love you so much and I know it’s true
I’m truly blessed to have a mum like you

You’re a very special lady, and I just want you to know
The way that you´ve looked after mum, has made my sad heart glow
Your thoughtful understanding has brought me strength to bear
God Bless you and Thank you Ali, for all you loving care.
I rang Dad today to tell him.  They´ve been divorced for many years but he’s recently been seeing mum again and I know there´s still a lot of feeling between them.  He takes it well, but by his silence I can tell he is hurting.  He says he’ll try to visit  mum soon, but he’s still laid low with flu.

Fri 26 Nov.  Saw mum again – still cheerful and looking forward to spending Christmas in her own home – she´s got it all planned – a running buffet all day, with beef, lamb, turkey, pork and all the trimmings!

Sun 28 Nov. Visited mum today for 3 hours – lovely just sitting there holding her hand and chatting.  She’s tired, but still asking about going home.

Mon 29 Nov. Had meeting today at hospital about taking mum home. Arranging for night sitters, district nurse, MacMillan nurse etc.  Looks like she’ll be home by Wednesday – go to tell her. She says “good” but doesn’t seem as enthusiastic as I had expected.  Is she afraid? Does she believe she is “going home to die”?   My heart aches to help her, but how?

Weds 1st Dec. Took mum home today – so good for her to be in her own home surrounded by her own things.  She’s so tired though. I keep up the brave face until I get home. Then I crack.

Thurs 2nd Dec.  Tony and went to mum´s from 7 until 10 tonight.  Sometimes she seems like she always was, then other times her responses are just automatic. It hurts so much.  I think I’m strong but when I get home I discover I´ve burst a blood vessel in my eye.  It doesn’t worry me though - I remember mum had one once and it put itself right.

Fri 3 Dec. Went to mum´s again this morning. Doctor came to see her.  All the pills and potions to regulate and control.  She has some oral morphine we can give her too, when  it´s needed.  It’s awful to see her in pain even for a few seconds, but good to know we can help take the pain away.

Sat 4th Dec.  We´ve got mum a night sitter for most nights, but I said I wanted to do Saturday, so I get there about 5.  She doesn’t sleep for long, maybe only an hour at a time, then she gets up for an hour or two.  We talk, write Christmas cards.  She’s having trouble writing now, seems to get stuck on a letter and just keeps repeating it.  Then she realises and calls herself a silly beggar with a laugh.  After a few cards she just puts the kisses on – and even that is an effort.  I doze for an hour.  Sunday morning she is more tired and just sleeps most of the time.  I get home mid afternoon, heavy heart but glad I could be there for her.

Tues 7th  Dec.  To Mum´s again 2 till 6.  She´s not so good.   I love her.

Thurs 6th  Dec.  Lucy called tonight.  Mum is worse.  Lucy´s husband is ill and she’s promised to take Pauline to Keighley for a job interview – I talk to Tony and we agree to take Pauline. 

Fri 10th Dec.  I call Pauline in the morning – mum is bad – going back into hospital.

We collect Pauline at 1030 – the interview is successful and we are happy for her, but so worried for mum.  Feelings churned up.  Tony takes us both to the hospital at 12.

We meet Lucy coming out, in tears, and know it´s bad.

Mum has pneumonia.

When I see mum in the bed it feels like something has gripped my heart – she looks so old and frail. Her breathing is really bad.  Between crying, Pauline and I talk – about anything and everything.  Mum responds a little and I even get a couple of smiles from her.  She´s on oxygen now .  I hold her hand all the time, talking to her.   Lucy comes back around 4 and Jim arrives a little later.  We each have some time alone with her.  Lucy is desperately trying to contact her son Paul – mum´s pride and joy.  I´m sitting with mum and I can hear the fluid in her lungs.  Her hands and arms are cold and they jerk now and then.   I know the end is near but don’t want to accept it.  I stroke her forehead and tell her to relax, everything is alright, we all love you mum. 

Then her breathing stops and blood fills the mask over her mouth.  I call to my brother to get a nurse, she comes, I’m so glad it´s Ali.  Jim leads me away into the day room.  Soon after he returns to tell us mum is gone.   

Sat 11th Dec. Try to put on a brave face for shopping but feel so much pain inside.  Can’t stop crying. Sleep a lot in afternoon.

Sun 12th Dec.  Made keyrings with pressed flowers today – Mum asked me to make them as Christmas gifts for the nurses – now I will take them in mum´s memory.

Tues 14th Dec.  Took mum´s teeth to the chapel of rest – she was always proud of her appearance. Talk to them about getting a lock of mum´s hair.

Wed 15th Dec.  Went to see mum at chapel of rest.  She looked a little different, but still mum.  Her hands were so beautiful and soft.  I hold her hand just as I did in hospital and it soon becomes warm again.  I expect her to open her eyes any minute.  It all seems unreal somehow.  I sprinkle her favourite oil of lavender around her, kiss her forehead as I often did, and leave. 

Thur 16th Dec.  During the night I woke as I turned over and thought I’d seen a figure beside my bed, but thought it was just my imagination – until I told Tony about it later, when I suddenly realised that when I had seen the figure, the whole room was bright as if a light was on.  I felt a surge of joy run through me as I realised it was not my imagination after all.

It´s mum´s funeral today.  Tony and I arrive first at the chapel and we go in again to see her. My dad arrives and comes in with us. Again I hold her hand, kiss her forehead, but this time I say good bye.  Dad is so upset – he has always loved her, despite being divorced for some 40 years.  We hug and go out to meet the rest of the family.  We’re all trying to hold back our tears for the sake of each other. I want so much to be strong, so that mum’s grandsons will know that there are no doubts about heaven.  I know she is there watching over us – I want them to know it too.  I shed a few tears during the service, then we leave for the crematorium.  The flowers are so beautiful.  Paul has chosen “GRAN” in white flowers and Martin has chosen a heart. They are so lovely.  I add a small card to ours with a poem for mum ... 

Beloved Mum, I love you so
And it was hard to let you go
But happy memories ease the pain
Until once more we meet again
I know in heaven you abide
With many loved ones at your side
And though in space we are apart
You’re always with me in my heart

I travel back with Tony, partly because I need to be with him now and partly so that Martin and Paul can be in the first family car with their parents (Lucy and husband), my brother and sister Pauline.

Mum always said she wanted the 23rd Psalm and “Jerusalem” at her funeral.  I´m so glad that she got both.  We all said the psalm at the chapel of rest and the organist played “Jerusalem” as the curtains closed at the crematorium. 

Everyone was going to meet for a drink and sandwich, but I want to stay a while with Tony.

I take two flowers from each wreath and spray so that I can press them, then we go to the garden centre where we buy our memorial to mum. Tony chooses a stepping stone, symbolic of mum stepping into a new life, and I get some crocus bulbs to plant around it, to bloom in spring in her memory, and a small conifer that will grow as my love for mum has grown over the years.

I feel strangely detached during the day, calm inside but odd.  At 9 in the evening I suddenly stand in the middle of the lounge and sob.  My heart is breaking.  Mum, it’s not fair.  Why did you have to go?  I need you.  I love you
20 years on, it is now 2013. 

I thank God for all the love we shared.  I thank Him that He helped her go to Him without pain.  I thank Him that one day we will be together again.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

HELLO!  Welcome to my blog.  On the right of the page in blue is a list of categories - each one contains many poems or stories. Please feel free to take the verses for your own personal use but remember that they are copyrighted so cannot be used for commercial purposes.  Thank you.    I can be contacted on     I'm pleased to let you know that my songs are now available on iTunes.  

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I was saddened by the number of people I met who believed that "being good" was all that was needed to get to Heaven - thus, after prayer, this poem was written.
It’s good to be good to others
but that won’t get you there
It’s good to give to charity
but that won’t get you there
´Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat or hurt´,
good rules we should obey
But just being a “good” person
is simply NOT the way
There’s just ONE way to heaven,
one path that you must take
Accept the gift that God gave free,
when Jesus died for your sake
It’s not the effort on your part
that writes your name above
It’s accepting God with all your heart
and giving Him your love
This was written to answer my own questions, as well as the comments of friends.

I used to think ”they’re all the same
All lead to God – what’s in a name”
Mohammed, Allah, Buddah too,
Or “the god that lives inside of you”
But then the Word came clear to me
The Truth of God that I could see
There is One God and One alone
And through His Word He shall be known
Don’t worship men or lumps of clay
Or vague ideas that seem ok
Go to the Bible and there you’ll see
The Truth of God that will set you free
I wrote this for some friends in Majorca around 1998

Don’t trust in tarot, runes and palms
These things are wrong and can do harm
But put your trust in God above
And let Him fill your life with love
The Lord alone knows what will be
The future is not ours to see
But put your life into His hand
And all will be as He has planned
He knows your past, your future too
Such wonders lie in store for you
If you’ll just turn away from sin
And let your Saviour enter in
Again, other friends in Majorca said how they couldn´t understand how God could exist because such awful things happen in the world. I prayed that this would help them understand
“How could He let it happen”
I have often heard folk say
“If there really is a God
why do children die each day?”
“Why is there pain and suffering,
why is there war and strife
–if there’s a God why don’t we have
a peaceful happy life?”
The answer is, there IS a God,
He made you and made me
And then to show how much
he Loves us all, He set us free
We’re free to choose the good or bad,
the path that we will take
But we must reap the harvest
of decisions that we make
God set us free to make our choice
and now He can’t step in
To break His word and turn us
into puppets on a string
But if you want to know the truth,
to find peace every day
Just ask the Lord into your life
and let Him show the way
Each day’s an opportunity to witness for my Lord
A chance to spread the beauty and salvation of His Word
Each day’s a time to share the love that He has given me
To tell the wondrous story of the Truth that sets you free